


FUCK CAN’T THINK OF A F U C K I N G STORY TITLE

by FoundFandomFamilies



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: And Then Forgot About It, Excessive Swearing, Gen, So m doing the only logical thing and posting it!, This was written so late at night that when I woke up this morning I didnt even remember it existed, h a, i literally made an entire au, wait shit I already tagged minx
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:00:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26412262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoundFandomFamilies/pseuds/FoundFandomFamilies
Summary: Dream is one of the top dogs in hell, but he has a deep dark secret.He’s actually...A little bitch-*gets shot*
Comments: 14
Kudos: 62





	FUCK CAN’T THINK OF A F U C K I N G STORY TITLE

**Author's Note:**

> Listen this is very badly written and I’m unsure if I’ll continue you, but I had fun rereading it incredulously so now y’all have to read this train wreck too

“God, can this card go into the fucking, Jesus Christ!”

It’s common knowledge, among beings mortal and not, that whenever a card, coin, or key doesn’t immediately fit into its metal slot, the clear solution is to frantically jiggle it around until either the object or you snap. A select few simply gently try again, and again, but this does not constitute higher intelligence. Only a rather dull, non jiggly existence. 

“Having fun?” 

Demons are quite fond of a jiggly existence, but they are also quite fond of smashing their fists through machines immediately after the jiggliness loses its joy. Minx is one of the demons who smashes the machine anyways, because she certainly doesn’t get any fucking joy from jamming her credit card in a fucking slot fifty times fucking over, so you can keep your trap shut, Dream.

“Oh yeah real good time,” She grumps, shaking out her hand and flicking metal and glass everywhere, “fan-fucking-tastic time actually.”

“You know you need to press the button of what you want first,” the smiling demon just points out as Minx grabs her hard earned drink, “this was entirely unnecessary.”

“Ooo thank you so much for that Mr Genius,” Minx mocks with an eye roll, which is funny, because she did not in fact, know that, “real smart cunt aren’t ya?”

“Yeah pretty much!”

Dream, as his ‘friends’ lovingly and despising call him depending on the occasion, doesn’t actually qualify as either a genius or a jiggler. But rather, he qualifies as this very fun thing called a jackass.

“Why you fucking talking to me anyways?” Minx grumps, tearing open the can lid with her teeth and having a staring competition with Dream’s mask. Shockingly, the unblinking ceramic mask is winning, but it’s a close one. “We’re not even from the same fucking department, it’s a bit of a long elevator ride just for a fucking chat.”

“Well, actually I was here for a drink.” Dream explains casually, “but uh, wait, did you just-“

They both turn to look at the now in flames machine.

“That’s a little extra.” Dream tiredly says finally.

“It had it fucking coming.” Minx defends, and Dream chuckles despite himself.

“Brutal.”

“So what’s the actual reason?” Minx asks, and Dream chuckles as she leans closer to him. “You hiding something green man?”

“Green Man, really?” Dream just asks, definitely not dodging the question, just like how Minx definitely isn’t running out of creative insults. 

A sharp ended finger is jabbed against soft fabriced hoodie, “You fucking heard the question the fucking first time smiley cunt, don’t distract me! I know your 1000 IQ is up to something, there’s no fucking way anyone can be such a perfect poster boy without having a dirty secret, so what’s the fucking scandal?!”

“I-what?” Dream just questions, “Minx I don’t know what the home you’re talking about-“

“No see, you see the fucking thing here Dream. I see you come down here all the time, yeah I do, little ferrety fucker, and you’re not fucking slick! You keep going through to the portal rooms, which I know you don’t have the authorisation to do, so what’s the big fucking secret?! Come on, you know me! We’re buddies, dish~.”

“We’ve...barely talked, Minx-“

“Say what’s going on and I’ll fucking curb stomp you so violently your pyro boyfriend of yours can use what remains of you to make a fucking sandcastle.”

Dream sighs, and holds up his hands in the universal sign of surrender. An action, which by anyone else would be sincere, from Dream is just a big fat lie.

Dream suffers from a terrible condition called “my-heads-too-big-to-fit-through-the-portal-to-hell-itus”, which you know is legit because it ends with ‘itus’. One of the downsides of this condition, alongside smelling and being a big man baby, is that it causes him to never truly surrender. Case in point, right now, where he lies through his teeth and admits,

“Okay okay! It’s Tommy. I was hiding from Tommy.”

“You,” Minx says, scoffing a little in incredulity and delight, “‘big man Dream’ running from a small fry demon whose biggest threat is ‘I’ve got a gun’?!”

“I still don’t know where he got that gun from…”

“I don’t fucking want to know where he got that gun from, answer the question.”

Dream groans exaggeratedly. This action in every other situation would be considered overkill. This action in reference to TommyInnit could be called “fair”.

“He’s been pestering me for a fortnight now, something about training or some crap,” Dream complains, shouldering hunching in irritation. “His babysitters gone or something, so all he’s been doing is harassing me. Like I know how to deal with abandonment issues!”

Minx frowns a little. “He’s probably fucking missing Wilbur since the lanky cunt got promoted.”

“...who?”

“Tall, lanky cunt?”

“Yeah you said, that’s very specific Minx. That could be anyone. You call a lot of people...that,” he flounders a little, “that word you always say-”

Minx bristles like a comically pissed off cat. “Oh shut the fuck up I don’t just call anyone a fucking lanky cunt you lanky god damn cu-“

Dream cuts her off, already wandering off in a somewhat rude manner. It doesn’t really apply however, since Minx is the kind of demon where no matter how mean spirited or offensive you are around her, you’ll still come across as a polite little angel in comparison to her. “Look, it doesn’t matter, okay! And, frankly, I don’t see how it’s any of your business, so! I’m going to take myself, and leave, and I’ll bid you good day Minx.” Fucker even bows. See? Jackass.

Minx squints as she watches him go. 

“Yeah there’s no fucking way that fuck isn’t up to something…” she grumbles, before finally taking a sip of her drink and gagging, “oH WHAT THE FUCK-“

Terrified drinks are notoriously known to taste worse than ones from non on fire vending machines. 

That, or demonic soda is just shit at understanding dramatic ending cues.

**Author's Note:**

> Do ya reckon I’m gonna get extra clout for having Dream Team as main characters in this one


End file.
